


love is confusing (and mutually frustrating)

by oh_yeah_yeah



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Acceptance, Angst, Emotional, Fluff and Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Kissing, M/M, Self-Acceptance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-05
Updated: 2019-03-26
Packaged: 2019-11-12 10:12:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18008990
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oh_yeah_yeah/pseuds/oh_yeah_yeah
Summary: "At least act like you care about getting home!""I don't need to.""Quit with the bullshit, Kogane, give me a proper answer!""I have no family, Lance! I have no reason to go back!"Lance narrowed his eyes, not even fully registering the weight of what Keith just said."Then you should be helping the people who actually do."Shiro stood abruptly from where he sat. Keith stiffend. His fist wound back, but Shiro caught it before he could do any real damage. Lance stuck his nose up right, fully expecting Shiro to give Keith a piece of his mind. But instead, Shiro huffed and looked at Lance, glare poison. "Watch your tone, Lance. Don't speak about what you don't understand." Lance's gaze turns accusing. He opens his mouth to yell. What could that mean? Keith obviously doesn't have enough heart to care about his family. Why couldn't Shiro see that?





	1. the heart

 

Lance grabs his helmet in his hands, ripping it off his head. His hair strands are stuck to his face gleaming with sweat and grime. His breath is coming out in heaves. All that could be heard were his footsteps echoing throughout the hallway toward the bridge. Lance was so furious- so infuriated- he thought he was going to burst a vein.

 

 

 

Small chatter was barely heard as Lance marched right through the automatic door that had slid open due to his presence. He was greeted with smiles, but they slowly disappeared as he marched right over to Keith. Shiro, who was talking to Keith, suddenly stood in his defense. Lance looked for a shorter way to the Black Paladin. "Lance, are you alright?" Shiro asked, his voice on edge. 

 

 

 

Suddenly, Lance took a huge heave and shouted as loud as he could without screaming. "What the fuck was that, Kogane?!" Keith's head snapped in his direction. His eyebrows furrowed as he pushed Shiro slightly to the side. "What are you talking about, Lance?" Keith was obviously rather ticked of by the situation. Lance narrowed his eyes. "You know exactly what I mean." His tone was low and menacing. Keith pushed Shiro fully to the side now, so the two arguing paladins were face-to-face. "Enlighten me." Keith said simply. Lance blew a gasket.

 

 

He had never physically done anything to Keith before, but Lance was on thin ice. Oh so thin. The Red paladin reached to place an aggressive hand on Keith, shoving him backwards slightly. "Stop acting like no one else matters!" Keith looked offended and confused, rather forcibly removing Lance's hand from his chest. He retorted, "What do you mean?" Lance huffed, letting out a big breath, hoping to cool down slightly. "I just- I don't want to almost die everytime cleaning up after your ass, Keith! I do it, every single time." Lance couldn't stop talking. He just let the words tumble out of his mouth, almost like a cola that's been shaken one-to-many times. "If it's not me it's someone else, like Shiro or Hunk! Or Allura; maybe even Pidge!" 

 

 

 

Keith tilted his head out of spite. "Why do you bother when you can't even do it properly." 

 

 

 

The words came out more spitty than they meant to be. Lance was seething at this point.

 

 

 

"At least act like you care about getting home!"

 

 

 

"I don't need to."

 

 

 

"Quit with the bullshit, Kogane, give me a proper answer!"

 

 

 

"I have no family, Lance! I have no reason to go back!"

 

 

 

Lance narrowed his eyes, not even fully registering the weight of what Keith just said. 

 

 

 

"Then you should be helping the people who actually do."

 

 

 

Shiro stood abruptly from where he sat. Keith stiffend. His fist wound back, but Shiro caught it before he could do any real damage. Lance stuck his nose up right, fully expecting Shiro to give Keith a piece of his mind. But instead, Shiro huffed and looked at Lance, glare poison. "Watch your tone, Lance. Don't speak about what you don't understand." Lance's gaze turns accusing. He opens his mouth to yell. What could that mean? Keith obviously doesn't have enough heart to care about his family. Why couldn't Shiro see that?

 

 

 

"But he-!" Shiro hardened his glare, not moving anything but his eyes. It shut Lance up. It always has. The only other time Shiro glared at him like this wasn't that bad; when Lance asked about Keith's mom. He remembers it clearly. It was almost 2 years ago. He, PIdge and Hunk were sitting in a sleepover circle with Keith and Shiro were sitting on the couch talking about god-knows-what. Allura was hovering outside of their circle, trying to hear what was going on without seeming interested; Coran was watching over them all while reading ancient Altean texts. Lance started rolling jokes, y'know. Like he does. Pidge is laughing and Hunk is snorting, whereas Keith and Shiro seem pretty disinterested. Suddenly, Lance got the best idea. He turned to Keith. 

 

"Hey Keith!" The boy turned his head, hair falling lax in the creases of his neck. His gaze was unimpressed. "What, Lance." The words dripped off his tongue like honey. It sounded more like a statement instead of a question. "What did you do with your mom? Bull riding? Knife fights?" 

 

Pidge snickered. Keith turned away; face looking slightly downcast. "Sure Lance. Bull riding." Lance laughed aloud with Pidge. "It was probably something stupid." Shiro sent a full on glare their way, and it scared them into silence. 

 

Just like it was doing now. 

 

After 5 minutes of Lance and Keith having a staring contest, Allura stood up. She looked happy- cheerful. Shiro sent a confused glance her way. "I have an idea." She clarified. 

 

"Alright. Let me hear it." Shiro said, eyes never once leaving Keith or Lance.

 

She gently placed a hand on Shiro's fist, taking it away frorm Keith's. She started to whisper things in his ear, and his face morphed into some weird expression that no one there really quite recognized. He had a strange glint in his eye. Allura giggled. Shiro smiled- again, with the weird expression. "Go on." he said.

 

Allura continued to whisper things in his ear until he raised a hand to make her stop. She paused and smiled at the two boys in front of her, and strangely enough, she had the same expression as Shiro.

 

"Keith, follow me." Allura stated. It wasn't a suggestion. It was a sugar sweet order.

 

Shiro gently took Lance's shoulder and started walking them both out of the room, the opposite door Keith was exiting. Lance glared in their general direction. Keith looked just as upset with Shiro walking with him as he was with Keith walking with Allura. "Come on now," Allura ordered again, the automatic door opening for her. Shiro did the same, but without words. Just gestures.

 

Lance walked into the hallway, lights considerably more dim like they always are. The silence between the two men was thick, tense. It was obvious they were both still on edge about the whole situation.

 

They walked like that for 2 minutes. It felt like hours to Lance, since this was the longest he had gone without talking since the last diplomatic meeting. Even then, he was still throwing jokes when someone else wasn't talking. As much as Lance love the planet leaders, he was definitely one for talking over them. 

 

"How much do you know about Keith, Lance?" Shiro's voice cut through Lance's thoughts like a knife. He looked up. "Hm?" He hummed, eyes wide- innocently.  

 

"Lance." Shiro warned, eyes not even shifting to meet his. He was still staring straight ahead, looking very bored. "You think too loud." 

 

Shiro finally looked down at him. A sigh was let passed his lips. Lance wondered; What was bothering him so bad? "Are you okay, Shiro?" He asked. Shiro put a hand over his eyes, sighing again. He rubbed his face, peeking down at Lance through his fingers. He breathed a laugh. 

 

Shiro removed his hands from his face and ruffled Lance's hair endearingly. Lance laughed, swatting at the older man. "What?" He laughed. Shiro smiled, snorting. "You're just too adorable." Lance rolled his eyes. "Sure, Sherlock."

 

They fell back into silence. It was more comfortable this time. A question hung in the air, only one that Lance really knew. He screwed his eyebrows upwards.

 

"Why do you care so much about Keith?" Lance spat, more angrily then he intended. It just made his blood boil. Lance worked so hard to impress Shiro. He did cool moves with Red, he worked hard on his fighting skills. He would always walk into a diplomatic mission, determined to win over the fiercest leaders, determined to impress his hero.

 

And yet Keith got it all. Every smile, every pat on the back, every praise. Every single time. It was always Keith. Almost every single girl Lance ever had a crush on from the time he was twelve had a crush on Keith and not him. Never Lance. Lance, the stupid cargo pilot. The good-for-nothing ladies man Lance. Lance who can't stop for one second and think about what he's going to say before he says it because it might just be a joke during a serious moment or something that might offend someone Lance.

 

"Lance, you don't understand." Shiro looked down at him, not understanding. "You don't know what he's been through." Lance glared at the floor. "No Shiro. I do." Lance stops walking all together. Shiro takes a few steps to face him. "Keith is constantly showered with affection and love. He is constantly shown how much he matters and how much the world cares. He never gets punished for anything, he only gets a warning."

 

Shiro leans down, placing a hand on Lance's should. "Lance." He says. He wipes his cheek. Lance is surprised when he feels wetness there. He didn't even know he was crying. "Lance, stop." Shiro emphasizes, grip tightening. "Stop thinking, it hurts." Lance meets his eyes. They look pained, as if he's aching to tell him something. "Keith is..." Shiro looks to the side, debating. He decides that one little fact won't hurt. "Keith is an orphan."

 

Lance grows confused. "But... aren't you his brother? His mom too. Aren't..." The boy trails off, still looking at Shiro confused. "Lance, Keith's father died when he was younger, and he never met his mom until just a couple months- er, years... ago."

 

"Oh."

 

Shiro was about to stand up but hesitated. His face looked contemplative. He turned to Lance and pulled him into a hug. Lance was surprised, he had trouble reacting. Once he realized what was happening, he pulled Shiro closer. The two stayed like that for what seemed like ever. 

 

Shiro's voice came out raspy. "Lance, I am so proud of you." Lance's eyes widened, and he let out a choked sound. "I'm sorry I never get to say anything." The boy hugged tighter and buried his nose into the crook of Shiro's neck. Lance let it all out while Shiro rubbed circles into his back, comforting him.

 

Lance just cried harder. It reminded him of home. The home he had to leave only a  _week_  after he got them back. A  _week_. 

Then Keith came into his head, and all his feelings resurfaced for the first time in years; The pounding ache in his chest, his stomach doing somersaults, the way his legs turned to jelly whenever Keith told him how good he was doing, and when they sparred, the undeniable attraction that Lance felt when Keith's muscles tensed and relaxed and the way his hair looked drenched with sweat.

Lance felt like his face was burning red at this point. Could he tell Shiro? It would sure help to relieve the burden. Maybe Shiro could keep his secret. It was entirely possible. But maybe not. Keith and Shiro were close, it was bound to get out somehow in conversation.

Maybe... maybe he could ask him the burning question that constantly attacked the back of his brain (which Keith and Pidge both agree is really small. Screw them). He took a deep shaky breath, and his lungs began to quake. Releasing all the air, he spoke softly, sniffling.

"Shiro?" The older man shifted to face Lance directly. "Yes, Lance? Are you okay?" He asked in earnest, genuine concern showing on his face. Lance furrowed his eyebrows, his jaw clenching. ' _C'mon Lance. Spit it out. Get it over with. Just admit it. You like-'_

"Boys." He breathes. He feels like a giant weight has been lifted. Lance laughs a little, chest shaking. Shiro cocks his head, eyes creasing. "..What about them?" He urged. It almost seemed like Shiro knew, but wanted Lance to say it for himself. To admit it aloud. 

"I think I like boys." Lance finishes. He panics a second after, trying to reassure Shiro that he still likes girls. "-too! I like boys too. I still like girls." He squawks. 

Shiro laughs, a big hearty laugh. "You came to the right person, Lance." Confusion floods his brain. 

"What?" He asks, quite confused by the situation. Shiro looks him dead in the face. "Lance." He says, staring at him, a light smile on his lips. "I'm gay."

Suddenly, the whole world comes crashing down on him. His brain let loose sirens and cheers. Shiro  _understood_. He was  _okay_  with it. All of Lance's freaking out, panicking, crying and spiraling down a pit of despair and self-hate was for  _nothing_. Because Shiro cared.  _He didn't mind_.

Shiro smiled as Lance hugged him again and pressed  _so_ much closer. He had a comfort buddy. Someone who could relate to him. He's  _ecstatic_.

For some reason, Shiro pulls out of the hug. "Lance, as much as I love bonding with you, the reason I took you down this hall was important." The older man looked down at Lance. An unknown expression crossed his face. It looked.. mischievous. Lance quirked a brow.

Shiro walks a little more with Lance as he tells him to wait in the (what Shiro called it) closet as he goes to get something. "It'll only take a second." He says. Lance smiles and nods, strutting to the door. It slid open with ease. He stepped in fully now, allowing the entire thing to close.

Lance looked up and saw- 

_No._   _No way in_ hell.

Keith fucking Kogane was standing right there, staring straight back at him, bewildered. Suddenly, he made a b-line for the door. It didn't open. "Hey!" He shouted, pounding his fists on the door. Lance stood up to go check his door but... it stayed shut. 

_What?!_

Lance freaked. The two were now pounding on the door, trying to get out.

It felt like hours.

_Well._ He thought.  _I'm going to die next to the most annoying (-ly attractive)(what- No! Bad brain!) person on the planet._

 

* * *

 


	2. the mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We see what happened the entire time Lance and Shiro were having their own lovely father son bonding moment. 
> 
> So, basically, semi bonding with Allura and Keith and then Keith having a crisis when Lance walks in. Ho boy.
> 
> Just a filler, trying to finish the 5,000 word chapter thats comin up..... oops I think I said too much....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof i changed the last few sentences from the last chapter so keith could have his adorable uwu crisis (i promise im not a furry)
> 
>  
> 
> enjoy!

Allura walked out the door, pushing Keith lightly in front of her. She turned back around slightly, flashing a big fake smile towards the other two Paladins, leaving them in shock. They both looked slightly confused, glancing at each other and then back to Allura. The door had already closed.

  
Keith and Allura were now quietly walking through the hall. Not a single sound could be heard, allowing Keith's mind to wander. He thought back to the fight. What the hell is up with Lance? What sort of  _feud_  does Lance have with Keith, so much that he feels the constant need to hit him?

  
Every single insult. It hurts. Lance was part of the closest thing he had to a real family. This thing that Lance had with him needed to stop. Keith, unfortunately, had no idea how to do that. Especially with his dangerously raging crush on the dude. Lance was extremely attractive, and on top of that was so kind and sweet towards his family and friends. If Hunk was freezing cold, Lance would stockpile him with blankets and hot chocolate, maybe tea. Before Keith ever left, there was one time where Pidge had stayed up day and night for almost 48 hours. Hunk and Lance teamed up to help Pidge get some rest by forcing her off her laptop and binge watching old Altean movies until she fell asleep.

  
Keith wished Lance would do things for him, special things. Shower him in attention and love like he did when Hunk was homesick, or Pidge was tired, or when Allura has cramps.

  
"You should at least try to hang out with Lance."

  
Allura's posh accent startles Keith out of his thoughts. Keith scrunches his nose and eyebrows, making a funny face that looked like a mix of confusion and anger. He looks at the princess incredulously. "Seriously?!" He shouts accusingly. Allura stops walking and stares, slightly frightened. Keith lets out a big scoff, one that he'd been holding in for  _ages_.

  
"I can't believe this!" He continues, waving his hands around in frustration. He doesn't normally do this. This was strange behavior, unusually. "Lance is the one who always picks a fight with me! It's like all the storage space in his brain is insults and nothing else! It's so stupid-" He huffs, breathing heavily. He counts to ten.  _1, 2, 3, 4...  
_

_  
_ He doesn't make it. 

  
Allura looks at Keith. She looks perplexed, as if Keith was a puzzle, and Allura was the person trying to figure him out. She eventually settles on 'intrigued therapist'. "Tell me what goes on inside that pretty little head of yours, Keith." Her eyes glint. "You can trust me."  
  
For some reason, Keith felt sick. It didn't feel bad, but it didn't feel good. Telling  _Allura_  about how he felt about  _Lance_? That's ridiculous. But... not. Keith audibly sighed, realizing that maybe Allura would be a good person to vent to.  
  
"I thought... we were getting along, Allura." Keith ran his shaky hand through his hair, strands falling down gracefully. The princess urged him to continue. "Before I.." He gulped. "Before I left, Lance would talk to me- as the leader," he used air quotes, "and he would ask me questions. Eventually he would just end up hanging out with me. It happened every night, over and over. It almost made me wish-" He choked down the huge lump in his throat. A grumbling sigh came from the bottom of his lungs. His rib cage shook from the sheer force.  
  
"I wish we were more." He admitted. Cheeks flushed slightly, he took a nervous glance towards the girl next to him. She looked at him with wide eyes. Her eyebrows quirked. "..friends?" She asked hesitantly, "You wish we were friends?" Keith groaned rolling his eyes. He looked straight ahead, walking slightly slower in pace, noticing the door. He assumed that is Allura was disgusted at him or even worse, jealous, he could hide out in there.  
  
He avoided her gaze, glancing around. Distracting himself. He licked his lips, his throat suddenly dry. "I want to... kiss him." Keith said slowly. His eyes closed in anticipation. He braced for a negative reaction. He braced himself for screaming, kicking, disgust, disgrace, yelling, punching. But when he was met with a bright smile. It morphed into a smirk. "Go on." There was a tone in her voice, one that could only be identified as  _sly_.  
  
He did  _not_  like this Allura, oh no.  
  
This scared him.  
Keith's face flushed an even darker shade of crimson, causing Allura to giggle. "You like him, don't you?" She leans in on her tippy toes, getting unnaturally close. This caused Keith to grow embarrassed and ashamed, his face tossed to the side. The ground was suddenly so interesting.  
  
A look of excitement passed through her expression (oh no..). Allura grabbed his wrist and tugged him to the door. It slid open, revealing a dark and dusty room. It was small enough to be an large closet. For some odd reason, it had a door adjacent to this one, on the other side of the room. It was very... curious to say the least. There were a few empty shelves on the walls. They looked dusty and old, cobwebs stretching between the gaps. The Princess nudged him in and he (hesitantly) followed the command. She took one step in and let out a strange choking noise. Keith turned around to see what happened, but she looked like she was remembering something. She gave him a sympathetic look, whispering something under her breath, something Keith couldn't hear. It made him nervous, anticipation coursing through his core. "Stay here while I get something."  
  
So he did just that. He waited. And waited. And waited... and guess what else? Waited. She didn't come back, and it felt like hours were ticking by. Sure they were on standby, but seriously, c'mon? Don't they have other things to be doing than waiting this precious free time? Maybe this was it. Maybe Allura was just trying to get something to help him for the war. Then again, it had never really taken her this long to do anything of the sort before, so what's the hold up? Keith's leg twitched in anticipation. He wondered if he should get up and help- wait, no. Don't disobey the Princess's orders.... but she wasn't really in charge of him anyway. No, this was just him being polite. Yeah, polite Keith.  _He_ was the Team Leader (as Lance put it.) not her. In fact, the hierarchy should be the other way around. She should be following  _his_ orders.  
  
Keith got to his feet, swaying a bit from uneasiness. Everything was quiet. Too quiet, perhaps. Well, no, that's just a stupid movie arch idea, isn't it? Striding over to the door, Keith put a hand out.   
  
Nothing moved.  
  
Waves of confusion washed over his brain as he made a swinging motion with his arm, trying to cue the door to open. " _Stupid earth sliding doors.._ " He muttered under his breath, preparing himself to try another approach. Pushing the door open.  
  
He gripped anywhere he could, wrenching his fingers into the metal. How was this thing not open yet?!   
  
Wait.   
  
_Wait._  
  
Is it...  _locked??_  
  
Keith was just about to panic when he heard the other door open.  _Other door._  Oops. Completely forgot about that one. He assumed it was princess Allura and was prepared to give her an earful about the stupid door and why it was locked when-  
  
What the fuck. No. Nope, not in the mood for this right now. You fucking kidding me?!  
  
It's Lance. The dude who just yelled at him for getting into trouble all the time, which was completely and utterly false and Lance is a douche. Such bullshit. (The getting into trouble part, not the Lance being a douche part.  _Definitely_ not Lance being a douche. He is a douche.)(At least to Keith.)(Shut up brain!)  
  
The door quickly closed with a click. Lance's big blue eyes widened in surprise. With a quick turn, both boys darted for the door, trying to escape. It didn't work. The doors were locked. Fucking  _Allura and Shiro teaming up to do good shit like make the team better connected by forcing Keith and Lance to get along._  
  
This is going to be one long night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> next chapter.... the talkkkkkk time. >:)))))


End file.
